Mediation Groundrules
The discussions that take place in mediation sessions are focused on the effective communication of your needs and interests and constructive problem solving. This may be a different style of communication than you have previously experienced with each other. The mediator will guide the process by establishing ground rules and promoting understanding. Ultimately the success of the mediation negotiations depends on you.
GROUNDRULES
- Bring an OPEN MIND to the negotiations. Be willing to explore options and “think outside the box”. Avoid taking inflexible positions or making nonnegotiable demands.
- Don’t dwell on the past – this limits your ability to move forward. Focus attention on what will help you in the future.
- Remember that the information provided by an attorney regarding relevant statutes, case law and possible litigated outcomes is only one piece of information for you to consider and should not dictate the resolution of issues in your case.
- Do not involve family and friends in your divorce. Look to the professionals in the case for guidance and advice. Negotiate only with the assistance of the mediator.
- Seek Mutual Benefit for the entire family.
- Practice Tactful Honesty – a tactful approach is more likely to help get the other person’s cooperation than a tactless one.
- Understand the other person’s point of view. Mutual understanding is a prerequisite for optimizing results. Listen without dismissing, discounting or interpreting.
- How does the other person view the issues?
- How would s/he define the problem(s) that need to be resolved?
- How would s/he describe my behavior in this divorce?
- How has my behavior in the dispute affected her/him?
- What are the most important issues to her/him
- Attack the problems, not each other.
- Avoid the following inflammatory language which hardens the conflict, sabotages the collaborative process and are communication deal breakers:
- Insulting, condescending or sarcastic comments
- Negative labels for the other’s behavior
- Impulsive Comments
- Mind-reading
- “Always and Never” statements
- Threats of any kind
- Speak for yourself, not for your partner. Try not to describe each other’s feelings or motivations. Focus on your own.
- Listen first to understand and second to respond.
- Demonstrate RESPECT for the dignity of each other – even if you are angry or distrustful of him/her and believe that the entire problem is his/her fault.
- Apologize sincerely for anything you did or said to each other that you now regret.
- Honor all commitments, including agreements made for the temporary management of finances, custody, placement and support.
- Remain optimistic that with diligence and effort a mutually acceptable result is possible. Even the most difficult conflicts can be resolved when there is the intention to do so.
